All My Bags Are Packed...Am I Ready To Go?

Tomorrow afternoon (7/15) at 5:30 PM a team of 30 of us from 1st Pres. board a charter bus to LAX and leave for a 13-day mission trip to the Dominican Republic with Students International. We will be working alongside missionaries in different areas: a school for special needs students, a preschool, physical therapy, health and dental work, social work, sports for teens, construction, and micro-finance.

Our youth director, Craig, had a vision for families to go on a mission trip together and minister oversees to give students and families the opportunity to see God at work in other parts of the world. The unique aspect of this is the multi-generational component of this. Some families are going as well as some teens. My daughter Kaylene wanted to go and  my wife, Wendi thought it would be a good idea (even better if I went along too!). For Kaylene and others on this trip, this will be their first time serving on a mission trip outside of the country.

I am always up for an adventure and thought it would be fun to go. However, I have been hesitant to go this time and wasn't sure that I should actually go. The first stumbling block for me is the financial aspect. Things have been rough this year with medical issues that I've dealt with and blogged about this past year. It has been a bit of a strain financially and the economy hasn't helped much either. I had a talk with our missions director, Terry, who told me that I should not let money be the issue. Wendi and I prayed about finances and going to the D.R. Shortly after that, she got a long-term sub job in Cutler.

Ok, one excuse down...

Wendi likes to point out that in his book Desiring God, John Piper says that because God is sovereign, He always gets His way in the end. His plans can't be thwarted. Jonah is a perfect example of that principle. Jonah did make things harder on himself. I dropped the ball in so many ways preparing for this trip. I never wrote a letter asking for support or prayer, yet somehow the finances came through. I saw that we needed to have certain vaccinations before leaving. Fortunately Kaylene was all up to speed except for Typhoid. Wendi found out that I needed shots and I got them all in one day...yippee!!

Excuse two down...

The past three weeks have been crazy. Our sewer line got clogged and I needed to dig out and replace twenty-seven feet of old clay pipe with ABS pipe. If you want to see the pictures, click here to view them. Yesterday I just finished fixing five sprinkler lines that were broken in the process of trenching and digging to the line.

In spite of my slothfulness, inattentiveness and things that were outside of my control, I am still going. Let me make it clear that I do want to go, but I really have felt distracted by life over that past couple of months with work, church, and things that make life 'interesting.' Wendi even said to me that she feels more strongly than ever that I should be on this trip. That goes a long way with me. God seems to speak to me through my wife more than any other way except for His Word.

I was talking with our high school intern, Chris, the other night about the trip. He was telling me about how many of the kids were "freaking" out and uncertain about what was going to happen. He told the students to relax and know that they would be going to be servants. Jesus told the disciples to leave their boats and nets to follow Him. Chris then said, "Just get of the boat and go." Words of wisdom from a young man that will be on the trip with us.

Prayer Requests

If you've read this entry up to here, you can consider this my prayer support letter. We will be in the town of Jarabacoa, an mountainous area in the center of the country. Kaylene will be working with girls in a sports camp environment. Specifically, she will be playing sports and teaching physical education to build relationships. She will assist with leading volleyball, soccer and softball clinics. I will be working with boys in the community (ages 7-15), through games, Bible Studies,  and getting to know their families. 

Kaylene has taken two years of Spanish and I learned Spanish from working in Cutler. I understand Spanish pretty well, but when I was on a trip to Cuba almost 10 years ago, I tried to order coffee for some friends when we were in the airport in Mexico City. I asked for dos cafés (two coffees) but got dos conos (two ice cream cones). Hopefully I'll be a better communicator this time.

Here's how you can pray for us:

• Pray that all of our travel to the D.R. and back are uneventful. We're flying to the D.R. via Panama City.
• Pray for our health - that everyone on the team will practice safe hygiene and no one would get sick.
• Pray that we would be able to communicate the Love of Christ with the people that we meet - in spite of our language differences.
• Pray that we would be changed as a result of our experiences - how? I don't know and can't anticipate.
• Pray for unity among the various ministry teams.

If I can, I will blog as we minister, but I'll probably be journaling the old fashioned way (the way we used to before computers and the internet). If I can, I'll post pictures and quick updates on Facebook.

Thanks for your prayers.

Routines

Today was my first day back after three weeks off for Christmas break. I needed the time off and needed the rest but quickly developed routines that were not very productive. It's great to take time off and do something different, and to get some much needed rest. I was ready to get back to work, but did I accomplish anything during that time off - did I have fun?

When given he opportunity, my kids can sleep in all day. From my high school days I can remember sleeping in until 12-12:30 on Saturday mornings after Friday night football games. Today, if I can sleep in until 8:30, I'm doing great. Between an aging bladder and a old dog dying for morning attention (well, a backyard potty break and some breakfast), it's impossible to sleep later than 9 AM.

One routine that I had developed before Christmas was uninterrupted 30 minutes of listening to the Bible from the YouVersion app on my iPhone on the way to school in the morning. Since I didn't have to go to school, I would get on the laptop or iPad and read 3 newspapers, check out Facebook for a couple of hours and then watch a documentary or movie on Netflix. This new routine really ate a lot of my time and left me drained.

Towards the end it was getting pretty pathetic as I turned to foreign films and watched a series of short movies that poked fun at life in communist Romania. I have always liked listening to foreign languages and this got me in the mood for more. I finished my movie vacation by watching a movie that was in Swedish, English and Arabic (Arn: The Knight Templar). Although I enjoyed these movies, I found myself wanting more. Chris had moved a DVD up in our queue, The Ultimate Gift, a movie that we had seen parts of at our men's retreat last May. It was good and great way to end my movie watching for now.

During vacation I thought about going out for a bike ride or a walk. But ultimately I was just too lazy. Now I could feel guilty about this but I choose not to. I didn't completely fall into my typical Christmas time blues. I did get to spend time with Wendi and the kids a lot more. We ate meals together every day. I did take Kaylene to and from her soccer practices. And I took a shower and got dressed every day - by 3:30 most days.

I also successfully resisted the temptation to work on school projects during break. I managed to turn off my district e-mail account and avoided even thinking about work for at least two weeks. Last night, the eve before going to work, I woke up once every two hours. I kept thinking it was time to get up. When my alarm did go off at 5:00, I managed to hit the snooze button for ten more minutes.

Today was a good day to ease back into the old routines. I did listen to the book of Colossians  on the way in. At the end of the day I had accomplished some things and left enough to keep me busy for the rest of the week - at least my plans for the week. I know that will change as unexpected things come up.

In the end, I think that the next time I have extended time off, I will be more purposeful in what I will do with my free time. Perhaps plan a day trip with Wendi up to the mountains or to the coast. I'll even consider going for bike rides and walks. One thing that I will not do is to update this blog.

Facebook and The Mystery of Prayer

Waiting for the Stones on tour. It's going to be a blast!

Social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) and smart phones connect us with the world and allow us to know what's happening and to inform others of the things happening in our lives as well. It can be both a blessing and a curse. It can give a false sense of community or it can truly be a method of communicating to your friends of things that they would want to know about and to take action on. I've had a deep attraction to technology since I was in high school, thanks to my dad, and have had struggles with spending too much time online. Here's a 2009 article from CNN on the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers.

Facebook has been a great way of helping me to reconnect with old friends, former students and keep in touch with family spread far and wide. It definitely does not replace nor should it replace the intimate, one-on-one, face-to-face communication of being in person with someone. This past week I witnessed how Facebook benefitted me and how God used this form of communication to bring Him glory.

Here are screenshots of my postings:

I thought I was tired from the weekend activities I was involved in. Boy, was I wrong!

At the hospital, I was making light of my situation. I was in more pain than I've ever been in my life. The worst part was the nausea. St. Agnes does have very nice barf bags though!

I spent all day Tuesday in bed sleeping to avoid the pain and the nausea. Even though I was on medication, I was not well.

I had a BAD Tuesday night. I spent most of Wednesday sleeping except for a quick trip for a CT scan.

While I was sleeping, Wendi made the arrangements and posted this Wednesday afternoon.

My mother-in-law posted this on her FB page asking for prayer. Notice that I didn't ask for any prayer up until this time. I think Wendi may have, but not me.

45 minutes after she posted her status update, over 25 people had responded to her request and were praying. I was truly overwhelmed by the prayer support. I think I also had my last bout with nausea and then slept that night, an almost normal night.

This post says it all. I was feeling pretty good all day Thursday and was in a mood that Wendi described as zen-like. I don't know what she meant - I think I was pretty calm and at peace, but excited that the pain might soon be over.

I got called in early. I'm excited and obviously making light of the situation. I could sense God's presence and knew that things would be fine.

Over at last, the stone was lodged in my right ureter and would not have passed on it's own. The surgery was successful - much different than the previous procedure that I had in September for the left kidney. In that situation, the stone was much larger but had not moved yet, so I was never in any pain. They say that kidney stones are as bad as labor. I don't know if that's true, but at least with labor, the end result is a beautiful, new life and a new found love and wonder for your child.

As a result of this experience, I see the value in using Facebook to get the word out to pray for people. A verse comes to mind - James 4:2b "You do not have, because you do not ask." Now this is taken a bit out of context, but speaks of me. I haven't always prayed because either I'm afraid that I won't get the answer I want or I don't pray because why should I pray to God who already knows what I need before I've even asked.

Søren Kierkegaard once said that 'the function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." I have found this to be true. In praying, my attitude or mind is changed and I become aware of my dependence on God more than on my own limited resources. 

Oswald Chambers said, "Is the Son of God praying in me, or am I dictating to Him?...Prayer is not simply getting things from God, that is a most initial form of prayer; prayer is getting into perfect communion with God. If the Son of God is formed in us by regeneration, He will press forward in front of our common sense and change our attitude to the things about which we pray." I think that I don't know enough about prayer, but I'm learning. Jesus constantly prayed to God the Father and He was God Himself. So if Jesus prayed and also taught us to pray via the Lord's prayer, we should be praying as well. It just amazes me that I could have communion with the Creator of the universe and that my prayers (or the prayers of others) somehow come into play with His purposes. 

Ah, the mystery of being a Son of the Most High. This too will be one of those realities that will be fully realized in eternity.

A Letter to My Son

Dear Luke,

When you were born 23 years ago, someone told me that the time would fly by. At the time I didn't realize how true that statement is. The time has flown and now your wedding day is upon us. I've been praying for you (it's not like I just started!) and have been pondering on what to say to you. Here are some thoughts that I wanted to share with you.

A Mystery
This covenant of marriage you about to enter in with Valerie is not something to be taken lightly. In Ephesians 5:32, Paul describes marriage as picture of Christ and the Church. He even refers to it as a mystery. Your marriage relationship is a visible testimony of Jesus Christ and the Church. I don't completely understand, but like the doctrine of the Trinity, I get glimpses of who God is and how He relates to us. Our society has taken marriage so lightly that there is debate as what constitutes a marriage. It is more than a commitment between two loving adults. It's not just a "friend with benefits" kind of relationship. You and Valerie are to love each other with a love that is so totally different than the world's definition and as a result your marriage will be a living witness of how Christ loves us.

Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church

This was spoken to me at my wedding 26 years ago and it is probably the key verse that I strive to live by in my relationship with my wife (who conveniently is also your mother!). Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Every time I'm tempted to point out that I'm right about something - whether it's in an argument, or something that I would be wanting to 'invoke' my rights, this verse stops me cold. Jesus Christ, the Son of God who died on the cross for me and rose from the dead, by his position of authority in my life, can demand my loyalty and worship, but instead is patient and waits for me. He'd much rather have me completely by my own volition or will, instead of manipulating me or forcing me to love Him. Loving Valerie like Christ loves you involves humility, patience and a view of wanting the best for her. We can be so selfish and deceive ourselves with a false sense of humility, but when we measure our love by Christ's standard, we're quickly put in our place.

Be A Man of God

One of the things that a wife really wants is a husband that loves God with his whole heart. Remember the line from "Courageous" in which Nathan tells his daughter that if a man loves God first, he'll always love and cherish her. Matthew 6:33 says "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you." You can only be the husband that Christ is calling you to be if you seek Him and put all of your trust in Him. You cannot do it on your own or try real hard and hope that God blesses you or gives you an occasional helping hand.

Provide for Your Family
Paul says in 1st Timothy 5:8 that the one who does not provide for his own family "denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Another thing that I remember my pastor counseling me before we got married was that I need to do whatever work I can get in order to provide for my family. This not only applies to physical or financial needs, but also the spiritual needs of your family. In Colossians 3:23, Paul also writes, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." He goes on later to say that you are serving the Lord Christ. It is real important that whatever work you do, that you give over and above what is expected of you. You were created to work and you will find a certain amount of satisfaction from a job well done. By giving your all, you will be a further testimony of Christ living in you.

Blessing
Finally, I want to close by telling you what a blessing you are to me. I can't tell you how often someone at work or church will come up to me and tell me, "I saw Luke at Costco the other day." They always tell me what a great kid you are. I know - you're a man, but I'd treasure the "kid" part as long as you can. It fades quickly. Seriously, I am proud of the man that you have become and know that with God's help, you will have a marriage as strong and joyful as I have had. God has brought you a beautiful gift in Valerie and will use her to continue to shape you into His image. May God richly bless you.

Embracing Reality

View "A"

View "B"

On Friday I went to see another urologist to get answers that a previous doctor was unable to give. It's amazing how clear communication takes away any doubts. It's like the difference between driving with a dirty windshield and one that's clean. My first visit with Doctor "A" left me with lots of questions and doubts.  Like the picture above on the left, I could see ahead of me but didn't quite know what was coming up. Looking at the picture on the right, I can see the edges of the road, the center line and can see ahead. In both pictures my view is limited to a particular distance. Doctor "B" not only gave me a clear diagnosis and explained everything in the pathology report, but he also pointed out significant things that Doctor "A" failed to mention.

I still don't know what definitely lies ahead, but I now "own it" as Wendi said to me this afternoon. She had already embraced the reality of my new-found condition, but I had yet to fully acknowledge it. Some of you know what I'm talking about, but the rest of you will have to guess or e-mail me privately if you really want to know. I do know that I will be blogging about this in January after some really fun tests, tests that I don't need to study for!

Trust Fall

Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." In Romans 8:24, Paul writes, "For in this hope ( freedom from sin and redemption in Christ - not just figuratively, but in reality - v.21, 23) we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?" What Paul and the writer of Hebrews are getting at is that faith is hope in something that is unseen, yet having such a conviction that you actually live by that. The person in the picture directly above doesn't know that those 6 people will actually catch her. It's scary to do this. She hopes that they will catch her. If she knew they'd catch her, then it wouldn't really be faith - according to Paul and the writer of Hebrews. That is how a life living in Christ is. That is what I'm finding to be true. It sure is scary at times, but the thrill of being caught - that's exciting. Am I scared of what lies ahead? Sure, who wouldn't? But am I living in fear or doubt? No - at least not right now. Like the girl in this picture, I'm trusting Christ for whatever happens. A story that illustrates what I'm talking about is found here. I am that man on His back.

Planting Stakes

This has been a very eventful week. A week filled with looking back on life-changing events and looking forward to whatever may lie ahead.

Our son, Luke, was born 23 years ago this past Tuesday. What makes that event so memorable is the fact that he was born 6-8 weeks early and weighed only 3 lbs. Wendi also lapsed into a coma for a day and regained consciousness only after dialysis restarted her kidneys. Scary times! But in all of this given the perspective of time, I see God's faithfulness and that was one of many moments that helped define who I am today.

In my Bible reading plan that I've been reading/listening to for the past couple of months, I have been struck with the number of times that God's people were instructed to erect an altar and worship God for the great things He had done. Moses would constantly remind the people of the how God brought them out of Egypt and saved them. In 1 Samuel 7:12, Samuel took a stone and named it "Ebenezer" (stone of help) because the Lord helped deliver the Israelites from the Philistines at Mizpah. It's in remembering God's faithfulness in the past that we can look forward with confidence, knowing that God is with us and will deliver us from whatever trials we face. Does that mean that life will be easy or there will always be a happy ending? Of course not, but I believe that since He loves me so much, He will always have His best for me. That can be a hard thing.

Samuel erected an Ebenezer to remember that God helped Israel at Mizpah. I have some thing similar akin to what some people may refer to as milestones. I like to call them stakes. There are definite times where a stake is planted in my mind that I look back on and remember what God has done. Here are some of them: January 19, 1981 - I met Jesus Christ and surrendered to him in my dorm room at Dykstra Hall; June 29, 1985 - the day I got married. September to November 1988 - Luke's birth, Wendi's coma and pulmonary embolisms; August 1990 - December 1990 - when we first learned of Chris's heart defect and dealt with possibly losing him at birth and in the months following his birth. November 1995 - my Walk to Emmaus experience in which I experienced the Love of Christ in a different way that has continued to impact me to this day.

The latest stake to add in my life is September 8, 2011. I had been experiencing hematuria off and on since May 2011 and discovered in August that I had a kidney stone. I had the stone blasted in a procedure called lithotripsy. It may sound painful but up to now I've had no pain whatsoever. When I was in recovery the doctor told Wendi that he had found a small tumor in my bladder and removed it for biopsy. He told her it was probably like skin cancer, something that you just remove.

In the week following the procedure Wendi and I lived in a world of not knowing what the future would hold. Do I have cancer? How bad is it? What are the next steps? We've done a lot of research on the internet, which can be a good thing. But one of my pastors wisely pointed out that on the internet, you get everything without knowing what applies to you. For instance if you look up all of the symptoms for a headache - you get everything from a minor everyday headache caused by stress to something life threatening like a brain tumor or meningitis.

This past Thursday the doctor didn't have much to say. I had to ask him all the questions:" Is this a low-grade tumor (slow growing)?" -Yes. "Would you call it a 'superficial' tumor?" - Yes. Not much else came out of that conversation. We left with just as many questions that came with. I guess I have bladder cancer, but shouldn't I know for sure? I don't even know if I can give blood. Needless to say that we're in the process of switching doctors. In the meantime, we're still living in the world of 'what ifs.'

No matter what the outcome is, we're trusting in God and that He will be with us throughout this chapter of our lives. 

Daring to do the Daunting

Directions for taking apart a garage door motor.

Earlier this summer, in June to be exact, our garage door stopped working. The motor still hummed, but the door itself wasn't moving up or down. I went to OSH to see how much a new opener would cost and balked at the $200 price. I wondered if I could fix it myself.

I'm not a very handy guy. I don't have much in the way of tools and when I do attempt a project, it ends up taking multiple trips to the store and multiple hours to get it done.

When I was a kid, I'd take my bike apart - all the way down to the frame and put it back together. I wanted it to re-lube all of the moving parts and make it seem like it was brand new. I remember once having extra parts after the bike was reassembled, and found out that I had skipped a couple of steps in putting things back again.

I looked at the garage door and saw that a small plastic gear that works with a worm gear was completely shredded and the bottom of the motor housing was filled with what looked like snow flakes. I went to Fresno Ag, because "if they don't have it, you don't need it." Well, they didn't have it and I needed it! I went on the internet and found the exact part I needed at Amazon.com for only $3.40. I ordered the part and it was here within 3 days. I also found the directions for replacing the part on the internet (you can see a part of it here). I had everything I needed and the whole summer to do it. The only thing I lacked was the confidence that I could do the job.

Could I do it? Probably. I had replaced part of my sewer line last summer. I had also replaced the front door lock in July. Every time I looked at the diagram, I shuddered to think of the task at hand. It was too much for me.

Last Thursday I took time off from work to go to the doctor - that's another story for later. Afterwards, I decided to try the garage door. I followed the directions and got everything apart, but ran out of time. Also,  I had problems getting the old plastic gear off the shaft it was on. I used a nail to get the roll pin (I didn't know what they were until now) out that was holding the gear in place. I went to my father-in-law's and borrowed a punch to get a new pin back in. It took until Saturday for me to get everything back together again, but it all worked and I was pleased with the results.

I won't lie - I had my doubts during the whole repair. I did pray before I began and while I was  working. As I was writing this entry, one verse kept coming to me - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13). I also was thinking about how the Israelites would forget God's faithfulness over and over again when they were wondering in the wilderness. I am just like them, forgetting how God has been with me and will continue to be.

One of the names of Jesus is Immanuel - God with us. At the end of Matthew's Gospel, Jesus says "surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (28:20b) Those are good words to remember.